Recently, I began pondering questions about Mental Health and realized it was a perfect subject for an experiment. So I embarked on an exploration into mental health. But for the first time in Mad Crochet Lab history, I’m sorry to report that this experiment has been a complete and utter failure! While there are still things to be learned from the experiment, it certainly could not have been further from what I envisioned. And it is all due to a slight typographical error.
You see, when I contacted several highly-regarded institutions enquiring for colleagues to assist me, they seem to have sent me actual patients, rather than scientists. Without a control group of “healthy” minds, it was impossible to conduct a truly scientific experiment. But time was running out for my grant, and I couldn’t replace them all, so I decided to disregard any of my original experiment constraints, and just observe the “abnormal” minds at work. It was all verrry interrresting.
It turns out that even though they all started off perfectly nutty to begin with, it didn’t take much to send them absolutely batty. In fact, basically all I did was add wings. They flew off the handle faster than poop through a goose, if you know what I mean. I’ve documented the results below and I will be awarding each of them points as if they were my real colleagues (mostly because at this point, I’m not sure if they would turn violent on me if I didn’t somehow reward them). So in no particular order, the following are awarded from a pool of 50,000 points each:
To Helen Leo of The Lunar Tick Asylum, 50,000 points for being first to complete her experiment. Helen also added some little feet to her finger puppet so he could hang upside down.
To Terry Spears of the N.M.E. Among Us Paranoid Research Hospital, 32,000 points for this fascinating specimen and 17,999 bonus points for perfect wings and because he would be the dream patient of any veterinary dentist.
To Dottie Lou Crisp of Cray Zees Observational Health Facility, 36,000 points for her first bat and an additional 13,999 points for her unusually hued bat. The red drops visible here are most likely due to the fact that we didn’t have plasma on hand and the bats seemed to take a liking to our red wine stores. Well, either that or it was the test subjects themselves who got into the wine. Hmmm.
To Dreamcatcher Meaella of En’s Ane Asylum, 25,000 points for her first bat named Squeekers, and an additional 24,999 for her second gray-hued bat. These two were well-behaved and appeared to be abstaining from the wine.
To Marina Rivera of Bu Be Hatched, 49,999 points for this gorgeous specimen with the colorful ears. He was is shown here being handled by daughter, who was the only one who seemed to be able to exhibit any control over him.
To Claire Knowland of Ella Trick Chalk Laboratories, 35,999 points for her first blue colored bat, and an additional 14,000 points for the second one. These bats exhibited excellent control over their fangs, which only appeared when they saw how low the wine reserves were getting.
To Betty Lewis of Lobotomies ‘R’ Us, 49,999 points for her yellow-eyed bat specimen. He is shown here with the upturned wing option.
To Shelley Garrett from under the Koo Koo’s Nest, 49,999 points for Batcula, who appeared with a fabulous coif and bow tie!
To Maryetta Roy of the Half-Baked Culinary Institution, 39,999 points for her bat, Hanny. He had to be restrained. Bonus points of 10,000 for her quick use of a straight jacket before anyone was injured.
To Bertie Larsin Gardner of Krackt Research Institute, 49,999 points for this sweet looking bat. Don’t be fooled by his shorter wings and cute face. This one got around.
To Vimi Lomax of The Cerebral Sanitorium, 49,999 points for this bat with gloriously sparkly fangs!
To Colleen Irwin Keller of A. Typical Asylum, 49,999 points for this glue-eyed bat. He also displays wings of the upturned variety and caused a lot of ducking in the lab due to his penchant for dive-bombing.
To Alyssa Otter Sheldon of Awd Behaviors Observatory, 49,999 points for this teddy bear of a bat. Somehow he still looks adorable even though he has obviously sharp fangs.
To Beth Williamson of Lou Nee Binn Institute, 49,999 points for this adorable little bat with the huge ego. He thought he could take on King Kong AND Godzilla at once. I just agreed with him.
To Rhonda Provost of Short Deck Research, 29,999 points for her first bat and 20,000 additional points for the second bat. Both have beautiful eyes and perfect wing shape.
They are also displayed here with experiment projects she has completed in the past.
To Linda Kaffer of Basquet Kays Asylum, 49,999 points for this rare yellow long-fanged bat. She was immediately named Fussy Mussy and you can clearly see why. And as fastidious as she looks, she also proved to really enjoy her wine as well.
To Rebekah Clayton of Upsan Downs Behaviorial Observatory, 49,999 points for this sweet faced bat shown here with a distant relative who took him under his wing.
To Beth MumblesMummy of Jumbled Mumble-ariam, 49,999 points for this Cricket Bat. This breed’s wings emerge more from mid back than the others which makes it easier for him to dodge around wickets. Evolution is amazing isn’t it? Still, we provided him with a helmet to protect him from crashing into things because he wasn’t as fast at stopping as he was at starting.
To Liz Eustace of Q. Rios Methods and Minds, 49,999 points for this nutty little bat. He exhibits a superbly embroidered face and a lovely fuzziness and coloring.
To Donna Walker of Whack Kee Ward, 49,999 for this long fanged bat with upturned wings. It seems he was establishing his place amongst Donna’s other projects in this photo. And as batty as Donna was, she does deserve honorable mention for neatest workstation.
To Helen Young of Psychiatric Attic Rest Home, 49,999 for this bat. He was quite a character although not the neatest when it came to drinking wine as indicated by the red drops on his fang. Still, he did a great job of protecting that pumpkin and as far as I know, nobody has been able to turn it into a Jack ‘O Lantern yet.
To Julia Riley Kupas of the Broken Brain Bureau, 49,999 points for this hanging bat. I think it was Julia’s bat and Helen Leo’s bat that led the test subjects to believe they could also hang from the rafters of the lab after wrapping themselves in blankets.
Concluding Remarks: Although this experiment was not what I originally planned, we did learn that if you start off with a bunch of nuts, it is pretty easy to make them batty. And you’ll be able to duplicate this experiment because a pattern for a free bat finger puppet is available right here at the lab.