As noted in an earlier post, an esteemed group of my colleagues and I recently embarked on a mission to locate the Fun Gene. We did this in a charitable effort to cure those of our race who were lacking that particular portion of their anatomy, impeding their ability to enjoy life.
I am incredibly pleased to announce that we have successfully isolated the fun gene, which means a cure is really just moments away for those afflicted! I will try to explain this in layman’s terms for those of you who are not as gifted in the mad crochet science-y areas and technical thingamabobs as my colleagues and I. You see, the reason for the disappearances of the fun gene, we discovered, is simply due to lack of education really. Human gene gnomes never attend primary school and never learn to read. However, they did overhear that we were looking for the fun genes. But this translated to fun “jeans” in their little minds and they thought we were looking for really cool fashion trends. So, in some people, the more fad-driven gene gnomes quickly found the fun genes and took to wearing them as pants, and afflicted humans could therefore not use the fun genes for their real purpose.
Our problem was to isolate those genes. And it was not easy. The helix shape of the genes makes it quite tricky to remove them from the gene gnomes and to be honest, nobody in the lab really wanted to see little naked gene gnomes running rampant through the lab (there just was not enough eye bleach in inventory). So we opted to isolate the genes while still on the gnomes. If enough of them are transfused into an afflicted person, the results are 100% positive!
I must say this has been a most arduous experiment, the most difficult of it’s kind in the history of Mad Crochet Lab experiments. It was also the first experiment to date that did not use an existing one of my free patterns as the base, and the pattern was created from scratch solely for the purpose of this experiment. Many kudos are in order for my test subjects, er colleagues, for sticking with the program through loss of comrades, equipment failure and other obstacles along the way. I will get more into those details later but first, awards must be given out since they are so very well-deserved! Without further ado and in no particular order:
Congratulations to Rhonda Provost, who was the first to attain success in her isolation of a gene gnome! Please note the helix shaped legs now adorned by “denim” genes! For her expedient grasp of the problem and efficient extrusion methods, she earns herself and her school, Vidal Sassoon Academy, a total of 50,000 points!
Congratulations to Adriana Bon for successful extrusion of a gene gnome. For her efforts and contribution to the science behind this effort, she earns her school, Tommy Hilfiger Science Institute, a total of 49,999 points! Well done!
Congratulations to Terri Swallow for successfully isolating and extruding this fashionable gnome. Because this particular gnome does not have the typical helix shaped legs, we have determined that he is not a gene gnome, but just a regular garden-variety gnome. We still don’t understand how he got into the DNA, but regardless, it is important that he was extruded and Terri most likely saved the donor’s life by getting him out of there. We suspect he just heard about the project and tried to score some fun jeans. Either way, Terri earned her school, Ecole de Yves St. Laurent, 49,998 points. Plus one point for her unorthodox methods.
Congratulations go to Julie Tomlinson for her successful experiment. The gene gnome she isolated was a particularly hairy one, wearing stylish “faded” genes and coordinating belt, shoes, and hat. Pretty dapper right down to his shoelaces! He appears a little surprised immediately after extrusion. He probably just feels a bit foolish to find he is wearing genes and not jeans, but he will get over it. Julie earns her school, Burberry Institute of Technology, a total of 49,999 points!
Congratulations to Beverly Teitzel Ross, who isolated and extruded this female gene gnome. Her name is Phun Gene-Gnome and is a real slave to fashion, from her matching multi-colored, hat, belt and shoes, her coordinating shirt and genes, and her funky pink tinted hair. Also, she likes hugs (this was noted in her profile on the popular gnome e-dating service, “Gnomeo, Wherefore Art Thou?”). Beverly earns 49,000 points for her success and a bonus 999 points for facial reconstruction for damage incurred during the extrusion process. Her school, Vera Wang Academy, should be proud.
Congratulations to Sharon Knits of the Givenchy Science and Fashion Institute for her successful extrusion of little Miss Gene Gnome. Sharon was able to pull Miss Gnome from the deep end of the gene pool before Miss Gene went down for the final count. Apparently, she loves to get into mischief but is unable to swim well due to her helix shaped legs. Sharon earned 48,000 points and an additional 1,999 for her new approach to scientifically proven methods and her contribution to the technology involved in this experiment.
Congratulations to Samantha Richardson of Valentino’s School of Science and Stitchery, for her successful isolation and extrusion of this gene gnome. Genome sports a very fashionable pair of dark blue fun genes, and though Samantha at first had mixed feelings about him, we are happy to say that she has bonded with him quite well. Perhaps it is his adorable style of bed-head and bed-beard? Regardless, she earns 45,000 points and a bonus of 4,999 points for perfect form!
Congratulations to Amore Brison of Armani Finishing School for her successful isolation and extrusion of this gene gnome. Her gnome is wearing a mint colored shirt with indigo dyed fun genes, along with red garden boots and matching conical hat. Amore’s gene gnome had a slight mutation in the helix which leads us to believe that there may be more types of fun genes than we originally entertained. She earns 49,998 points plus 2 bonus points for not giving up under grueling lab conditions.
Congratulations are also in order for Sherrie Barrett Flynn for the successful isolation and extrusion of this gene gnome. This one was a particularly difficult one to isolate because despite his sweet face, he had a slight mutation, or perversion if you will, for all night parties with three-year-old humans. But for her perseverance and dedication, Sherrie earned her school, Ecole Hermes, 49,999 points!
Congratulations to Anne Yarn-Addict Baldwin for successful isolation and extrusion of this gene gnome. He sports a superb full ginger beard, classy belt and green wellies! His genes are faded denim reminiscent of overalls (or coveralls, depending on where you are from). The bonds in his helix legs are formed from colorful beads in Anne’s stash. Just genius! Anne’s has earned her school, Dolce & Gabbana Fiber Sciences 45,000 points plus a bonus of 4,999 for smart use of beads!
Congratulations to Claire Knowland of the Louis Vuitton Institute for her successful completion of the project. She was able to extrude this gene gnome, whom she named Mendel after the father of genetics. He is posed here in a traditional looking setting for gnomes, complete with mushrooms, but you can tell he is enjoying modelling his fun genes which are basic black but perfectly set off his garden boots, multicolor belt and fur-trimmed hat. And how can you not appreciate that lush curly beard? Awarded 49,999 points!
Congratulations to Kathryn Sawyer for her successful isolation and extrusion of this gene gnome. He sports fun genes in light blue with a stylish belt, hat and shoes. Don’t mind the large pin he is holding. He was just a bit stabby when extruded, but is feeling better and much happier now. His smile is probably just hidden behind his lush beard. Kathryn earns her school, Gucci Yarns and Technology, a whopping 49,999 points! Well done!
Congratulations to Bertie Larsin Gardner of Ecole Chanel for isolating and extruding this adorable little female gnome. She appears to be an Austrian mountain gene gnome, possibly a unique strand. She’s wearing her long golden locks in braids under her cap, a sweet little dress and apron. Her fun genes are the skinny red and white variety; very trendy and perfect for wearing under a little skirt! She earned 43,000 points for her school and a bonus of 6,999 for the apron. We’re all about the protective clothing in the lab, you know! 😉 UPDATED to include a link to Bertie’s own personal notes from this experiment: Blue Unicorn Crafts
Congratulations to Viola Payne for her successful isolation and extrusion of this little gene gnome. Unfortunately, during the extrusion process, he lost two legs as well as the bones in his remaining legs. She is pretty sure that Bracchium emendo must have been performed on him and I can’t say for sure but her instincts do seem valid. He is wearing a matching outfit of darker blue denim and looks sharp in his western style fun genes. Viola earns 42,999 points for her school, the Versace University of Fiber and Genetics. 7,000 bonus points for perfectly shaped hat!
Congratulations to Sarah Beck of the Oscar de la Renta Yarn and Science Center for successfully isolating and extruding this gene. Sarah was a bit heavy-handed with the extrusion tool and sucked this gnome right out of his shoes! However, he is otherwise in good condition, wearing faded, high-waisted fun genes and a glorious multicolor hat on his unruly hair. She earns her school 40,000 points plus 9,999 bonus points for this possibly new strand with the lovely specimen of bonds.
Bloopers, Mishaps, and Behind the Scenes at the Lab
Many experiments have failures and mishaps before achieving success. This is true of our Fun Gene Experiment as well. Fortunately, most of the obstacles get overcome or just yield hilarity. And you can imagine what a lab full of gnomes can get up to. So please enjoy these outtakes from our experiment.